Later on if they don’t object I’ll move to their boobies and give them a honk
doo doo doodley doo doodley doo
December 01 2008
November 26 2008
my christmas wish list: sky mall edition
I’ve spent a lot of time on airplanes over the past few years. Which means I’ve spent a lot of time perusing the Sky Mall. They have some real gems if you dig deep enough. The following items are what I asked Santa for. I hope I’ve been good enough!Hawaii Chair.
Okay, this first item isn’t actually in the Sky Mall yet, but it’s only a matter of time, really.
The part around :37 where they’re all at there desks puts me in tears. I really need to get one of those to work my ab muscles at work. I doubt anyone here would laugh or make fun of me. Can you imagine!?
“Listen, Tom, I’m in the middle of blasting my abs right now in my Hawaii Chair. You must not have noticed. I’ll get you that file when I’m done.”
Slanket!
Okay, if I can’t have jumpin’ jammerz I would at least like a blanket with arms. Ingenious! I always think how annoying it is to have to recover my arms when I reach for the remote, or my Natty Ice.
Side note this dude totally looks like Slimer from Ghostbusters.
Jumpin’ Jammerz.
It gets cold on planes! I would love a pair of these to cuddle up in on long cross country/international flights. Or to cuddle on the couch with Wettie and Snowflake.
The Sky Rest Pillow.
I don’t know what I would do if the person next to me actually busted this puppy out. But I love it. Mostly because the guy looks like he was knocked unconcious during takeoff.
- Wettie:
-
So, I was watching that show 17 kids and counting about the Duggar family last night. You know that they don't even believe in premarital kissing?
- Me:
-
Oh yeah?
- Wettie:
-
Yeah, so it makes me want to have a son to go deflower all of the Duggar children.
- Me:
-
What if he went and had a threesome with two of the sisters!?
- Wettie:
-
That would be hot.
- Me:
-
**Silence** No, no it wouldn't. On so many levels.
November 25 2008
Like Mother like daughter
Okay, so I’m a blond and I do/say ridiculous things sometimes, but in the words of Juvenile “I get it from my mama”. Below are some prime examples of blond moments the two of us have had over the years.
- Last year my mom and I were in line at the grocery store and I noticed a sign that said “Passover Sale: Special Price on selected items with card”. Upon reading this I turned to my mom and asked, decently loud so everyone around could hear “So, there’s a special card Jewish people get that gives them discounts during Passover?” No. That’s not what that meant at all. My mom was visibly embarassed by the fact that her 24 year old daughter had just asked that, and the fact everyone heard it. “I think they’re talking about the Super Fresh Savings Card.” Oh. Got it.
To my mom’s credit she’s a very smart, career minded woman. Very professional and successful. She also can be a bit of a ditz sometimes.
- Last February we were at my brothers house and he was fixing Fajitas for supper. Now, we have been to quite a few Mexican restaurants in our time and have had Fajitas before, this wasn’t a new thing. The entire day my mom was calling the Frajitas. Finally at dinner I had to ask her if she was trying to be funny, or if she really thought they were called Frajitas. “You mean there’s no R in there!? All these years I’ve been calling them Frajitas and no one’s said anything!”
- I studied abroad in Spain two summers ago. I’m decently good with Spanish, not quite fluent, but I can hold a conversation and get myself around. During one fatal blond moment I asked my friends who Sabado Domingo was. Yes, Saturday Sunday. It sounds like a real name!
- This one happened just last night. My mom was making cole slaw at my brother’s house (the best ones always happen here). She had the vinegar out to make the dressing and somewhere along the way forgot to put it away, and then proceeded to make her Vodka Tonic. With the vinegar. She didn’t realize it until she was in the living room admiring my brother’s new wood floors. She then had to run to the kitchen to spit out the Vinegar and Tonic.
November 23 2008
titty bar tuesday
A few years ago my dad called me up to tell me about what they did to celebrate my mom’s birthday the night before. The conversation went a little bit like this…
“Kitty, I took your mom to the Titty Bar last night.”
Huh, well how about that!? I mean I wasn’t that suprised by this (and if you know my family you wouldn’t be either). Naturally, I assumed he was lying so I got my mom on the phone. She didn’t sound very excited about it, but no he wasn’t lying, and she was mad that he told me.
I love that he called it a “Titty Bar”. I was reminded of this last night when I found myself in Camelot. Honestly, it’s really weird going to a strip club knowing your parents had been there before, maybe in that exact spot, looking at naked ladies.. ugh.
November 22 2008
Get freaky in the cube
R. Kelly’s “Freaky in the club” has been on nonstop in our house.
So we remixed it, obvi.
Here is the Snowflake/Cognac Thighs version sure to hit airways shortly.
(Yeah. Get freaky in the cube. Ladies its your coworker)
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it girl dont stop.
come on girl gettin freaky in the cube.
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
That employee
just here to make a little money
by the way she’s typing it on me
my goodness girl youre so busy, youre so busy
Girl and the way you’re printing that word file
Makes me want to staple your pages
I got bathroom keys, wanna leave wit me?
because baby girl its almost 5
‘Bout to show you how c. thighs ride
Baby how I bill my time
I hope its the same way you bill your time
Tryna get you a promotion
because you need more dime
And I just wanna have a good time, girl
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
Girl the way your typin it turns me on
makin me want to take it to your direct line
and address you
girl no doubt I wanna text you
girl guaranteed ill impress you
Have your computer going beep bop
Dell please don’t stop
Baby girl come with me
I wanna see your excel sheet
I just wanna go divin
In your coffee, I’m risin
Lets take notes til we both go boo
Shake your hand around go boo
You got my ink all over you
Don’t send them off til their proofed, c’mon baby
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
Girl wan find you, wan hire and pay you.
Business trips, I wanna wwine and dine you
Fo 35,000 and some benefits
No new employees please, skip the interviews
I wanna see your fingers type one time
Come on girl let me see you 9 til 5
that conference make you work overtime
You out of office stays on my mind
Oh girl when you make it higlight
Girl when you make it edit
Girl when you make it save
Its like mmm
You got me goin mmm
And I’m emailing you like mmm
And you emailing me like mmmm
Girl your cube it smell like mmmm
Make me wanna take my paid time witchu
Sun is shinin and I’ve got a view
So girl come on let me take you to my corner office
Baby I just wanna get you to my corner office
Girl once I get you to my corner office
Friday, time for the weekend
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it baby girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it baby girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
gettin freaky in the cube
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it baby girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
girl let me see your stapler go la la.
now back that chair up and make it go boom ba.
the way your typing it baby girl dont stop.
come on baby gettin freaky in the cube.
About
I like cognac and I love thighs.
My day job limits the amount of non-technical writing I can do, so this little piece of joy lets me get back to my creative writing roots and muse about the absurd.
My day job limits the amount of non-technical writing I can do, so this little piece of joy lets me get back to my creative writing roots and muse about the absurd.
